Finding the confidence to wear men’s leggings

As I have started writing this blog I have been overwhelmed by the outreach I have received from a multitude of men who are wearing leggings and living their best lives. It is super cool!

Often times too though I receive notes saying they are inspired by my confidence and wishing they were as confident themselves. I haven’t really known how to respond to those words. Most days I don’t feel confident. I have to actively force myself to wear the fashion choices that I am drawn to.

Overcoming my fear and finding the confidence to wear leggings for men’s fashion.

Time and time again the same voice comes into my head - “I am afraid”

Fear is probably the biggest reason why I pushed my desire to wear leggings down and away. It is the reason that some days I decide against wearing leggings. It was certainly the reason it took me years to leave the comfort and safety of my living room while wearing leggings. It is the reason I still worry about wearing leggings for fashion.

That fear can manifest in many ways but for the most part, it is generally wrapped around the concept of “what if”. The “what if” monster is the worst kind of monster. That simple statement can stop me in my tracks.

“What if people stare.”

“What if they point and laugh.”

“What if they make fun of me.”

Here’s the thing. People really don’t care. Full stop.

That fear is not a real worry it is simply the manifestation of my own anxiety, my own insecurity, and my own doubt. My brain has to rationalize those fears and put a name on them. My brain tries to understand why I am afraid and it finds the other nameless people around me to place that fear on.

They are the reason.

They’ll judge me.

They’ll despise me.

Actually, I am the reason. I am judging myself and because of my own issues with self-confidence and insecurity, I can despise myself. Here’s the thing - that is completely normal and okay. For a moment.

What isn’t okay is letting that fear control my life for a long period of time or letting that fear become the normal place I operate from. A moment here and there where it flashes across my mind. Sure that is okay, but I have to let it pass.

Years ago my great friend and climbing partner up and decided to become a Buddhist monk. He is now ordained and leading a meditation center in Boulder CO. I will never forget how he described meditation and how I have used those words to allow myself to move through my fear.

He said, “let your thoughts pass through your mind but do not invite them in for tea.”

Fear is coming. The answer is not to stop being afraid. That’s not really possible. Instead, the answer is to not dwell on my fear. I let my fear pass through and then I let it go.

Accepting myself and my gender and developing more confidence to wear leggings

Another major reason I think we all lack the confidence to wear what we want is that leggings can make us feel insecure about our gender.

I have written about this before but I think it bears repeating that wearing women’s clothing styles doesn’t actually mean a damn thing about how you identify with your gender. We are worried that society will think about our gender and label us a gender identity we don’t have but this is a similar issue to the fear of “what if”.

The biggest thing I have had to come to terms with is accepting myself for who I really am.

My acceptance doesn’t have to be your acceptance. I am sure plenty of the men who are reading my blog aren’t interested in being gender fluid and are not trying to be androgynous. I am. Accepting my own desires and accepting myself as I am has helped me let my fears pass through.

That acceptance has become armor of sorts and it gives me strength when the fears flood in.

It is also a work in progress. I have to constantly remind myself that I am excellent just the way I am. Everyday.

The biggest help to this process was my wife. She pointed it out to me and really helped me start the process of finding my confidence. Early on in my journey into wearing leggings, and sometimes now when I let the fear get to me, I lean on her for emotional support.

Is it okay that I wear leggings? Do you like them? Are you attracted to me? Am I allowed to wear this outfit?

She was right to put a stop to those questions. They are not hers to answer. She had the emotional intelligence to remind me that those questions are for me and me alone. Her opinions should not be how I build strength to my self-identity.

“Be confident in who you are Alex. I am attracted to many things about you and one of those things is your confidence.” She said that once and it was so obvious and it was the reality check I needed to start working towards accepting myself.

It didn’t happen overnight. It is still happening. But that acceptance has been a major boost to my confidence and has really helped me start wearing leggings on my own terms and the way I want to.

They are just leggings and this is just fashion

Finally, I think it is worth remembering that these kinds of issues get spun up and overbuilt within my mind. Fashion is deeply personal and very connected to who we are but it is also just clothing.

There is a lot more out there that defines me. The way that I treat people and do business. The way that I shop and spend my dollars the way that I vote the way that I spend my time all arguably have more weight in determining who I am than the way I dress. I hardly ever worry about those questions.

In the same way, that I need to let my fears pass through and not take root; and in the same way that I need to accept myself and become confident in who I am, I also need to simply look at leggings and think about myself.

Am I fulfilled?

Do I like the way I look?

Does wearing leggings make me happy?

The answer to all those questions is YES!!!

I have to remember those things when my self-doubts creep in and the worry, fear, and anxiety come calling.

In the end, this is a journey. I am just getting underway. But so far the sightseeing has been stupendous. Hopefully, I can continue to build confidence in myself and maybe, just maybe give out confidence to other men out there that want to wear leggings.

We all can find the confidence to wear leggings and build up this new segment in men’s fashion together.