To bulge or not to bulge - that is the question

If you follow this blog you know that I am a dude who loves to wear leggings for fashion. There’s a bunch of reasons why - if you’re interested in the “why” of men’s leggings and fashion check out my other posts. Today I want to expand upon a topic I started writing on when I discussed the placement of the seams on men’s leggings.

As a man wearing leggings we have a fairly obvious “thing” we have to deal with. Leggings, in the very skin-tight nature of their fit, means folks have a very real reminder that our anatomy protrudes from our bodies. Simply put it becomes extremely clear we have a penis. I want to discuss what to do - if anything - about this simple truth.

Before I dive into this topic I want to share two things.

First - I am acutely aware that there is an assumed double standard at play here.

Women, the perception goes, can do anything they like to display their bodies and do not have to deal with the tenants of this article. From a high level, this is true. This is also true for men. However, there are plenty of stories on the internet of women being body shamed and sexualized for the choices they have made about their attire.

I may write on this topic in the future. That is not really what I’ll be covering today.

Second - I realize this topic is deeply personal. I am not writing today to say what is and is not allowed when it comes to wearing leggings whilst having a y chromosome. I am simply sharing my perspectives on this topic and writing my own opinions. Perhaps we can have a discussion in the comments or on social media if you think my opinions could be better informed.

Should men show their package while wearing leggings?

The quick, overly simple answer is: yes. The more nuanced and complicated answer is: it depends.

On the face of it, I believe that men should be free to wear and present themselves however they damn well please at any time and in any place. I believe women can and should be able to do this very thing. Very nearly that’s the final thought on this topic. But only the Sith deals in absolutes (shoutout to my fellow sci-fi and fantasy fans).

We don’t live in a world of black and white. Our lives are not 2 dimensional and therefore our thinking and approach to life should not be so limited and strict.

This does not mean we allow the general rules of society to run roughshod over our personal fashion choices. If we want to wear leggings and other niche styles we absolutely can and should but we should allow our freedoms to find some balance in the general structures of society. If we do this we can be our true selves and be great neighbors at the same time.

There is a time and a place for everything.

When I go running or pursue any athletic endeavor - I wear leggings - either full length or shorts. I don’t even bat an eye. I am not worried about displaying my bulge. I am running, I am swinging a kettlebell, or competing on a field playing ultimate frisbee. Other stuff is happening and the point of my presence in the activity is not my fashion but my performance. I should wear whatever makes me perform at my best.

If other people want to wear something else to perform their best they can. Performance and fitness are pretty personal and there are a million different ways to do this. If you hop on Instagram you can see several thousand videos of women working out in next to nothing. I too enjoy working out in just a thong. It is an extremely free way to excercise. I don’t run through my neighbor that way, nor do I work out at my gym this way, but I will sunbathe on the beach in a t-back.

The context of this example is that the time and place generally relate to your activity. I am a big fan of letting my activity answer the question “to bulge or not to bulge.”

My intention matters

In the same way that my activity should guide me as I decide how to style my leggings so too should my intentions. This is where a number of people may find themselves making this decision. I alluded to it in my joke about running through my neighborhood in a thong. I could do this, but my intentions would be pretty clear. In the same way, women's fitness profiles on Instagram can wear skimpy outfits and publish workout videos where they are wearing next to nothing. This is fine but the intention is clear.

I want you to see me this way. I want to celebrate my form and share it with the world. In some cases this may also be I want to feel sexy and be viewed in a positive way. Look at me, look at me, look at me. Aren’t I desirable?

If and when I wear leggings styled where it is easy to see my glutes and package I have to answer to my intentions. Back to activity on this real quick. If my activity is performance-oriented - truly performance-oriented - then my intentions are clear and wearing leggings with complete visual access is okay. For me and my own confidence levels. They may not be for yours or others.

Now if I am wearing leggings and not pursuing sports or fitness and my glutes and bulge are easy to see I have to answer my own set of questions. Many of these questions relate to my intentions when I wear leggings this way.

Feeling desirable is one reason to bulge.

This is something I have long felt when I wear leggings, and for me, this is deeply personal. Please note - the reason you want to share your bulge could be very different from why I want to show off my butt and bulge.

On one side it is to be exposed. The thrill of being laid bare in a public setting and showing off my figure. I believe the word would be ogled. Being seen in a positive light. That would be one of my intentions.

I can remember running through Garden of the Gods in Colorado. I was coming up and over the crest of a hill and running through a parking lot and onto a trail. As I passed through the parking lot a gal hiking exclaimed to her friend, “I want an ass like that!” What a thing to hear!!

I am still basking in the glow of that moment. It’s a moment I’d love to recreate.

Another piece of that kind of gaze is being, and more specifically, feeling attractive. This is a space not many men get to live in. Our gender role in the whole attractiveness cycle is not usually on the front end. Very few men can walk out the door and be approached all night by members of the opposite sex with propositions and affirmations. In general, it is hard for a man to get hit on.

Feeling feminine is another reason to bulge.

In all honesty, the above reasoning is fairly interconnected to this reasoning. Again this is deeply personal to me. It is a way for me to express my gender-bending aesthetic and feel more androgynous.

In the media, all over social and out and about you do see women wearing this look. This is a major trend in the aethleisure and streetwear stylings that many, many, many women wear habitually. The other day I counted while out on a date with my wife and we counted over 10 gals rocking this look on a Sunday afternoon on a sunny winters day on Wealthy street in Michigan. That was roughly 7% of the populace.

It is a really cool look. It can be stylish and balanced if done properly. It is feminine and cute and I like to feel that way from time to time. It is also eye-catching and on purpose. This is why it relates to the above reasoning that I decide to bulge.

Who I am with is a reason not to bulge.

When I do into the office I don’t see any professional reason to share my bulge. I wear leggings into the office, frequently. But I don’t see a reason to present my lower half without layers on top to cover up and shield my privates from public view. I don’t see women doing this in professional settings either.

When I am with my extended family in any capacity I’ll not bulge. My dear conservative grandmother is turning 90 and there’s no way I can turn her deeply held opinions around. Also, I am not interested in being ogled by my family. Again there are other ways to present feminine and be androgynous with my family that doesn’t involve sharing my bulge. This is mainly just like the office.

With my wife and with my nuclear family? I may or may not. It really depends on the event and mood of the day. And this is where my answer to the question of “to bulge or not to bulge” lands.

Showing off my body in leggings requires context.

There’s no set of rules that I am following here. No right or wrong ways of doing things. In many ways, this is about my own confidence and set of values. I want to teach my kids they can become whoever they want to become but I also want to teach them that their bodies are their own temples and to be careful how they share and present it to the world.

Wearing a crop top and leggings is super cute and fun to wear. It is also revealing and brings along all kinds of other elements. A simple question I may ask is would I want my daughter to dress this way?

Now I am an adult and I have a lot more experience with what this kind of dress style can mean to the folks around me. I am also married and in a monogamous relationship. Again when all the context is pulled in I can choose to share my bulge out on a date with Sam or while running errands on a random Tuesday, but I can also decide to style my leggings without the bulge and be just as feminine and cute.

I don’t need to rely on the bulge or have a 2-dimensional relationship with it. I can also take the fairly risque look of the bulge in leggings down 5 notches by simply swapping out the leggings for skinny jeans. Funny how wearing a slightly different material can make a major difference in the context of a look.

I guess the best way to answer the question is what are you personally comfortable with? and how do you want to present to the world? Those answers are fluid and ever-changing and so the answers to how to wear and style leggings for me will change and adapt too.

However we decide to style leggings, we should feel comfortable and confident and aesthetic. My two cents ;)