Wearing men’s leggings as a father and husband
Time and again, folks are in my comment stream and my DMs saying how amazing it is to see other guys wearing leggings. Often, however, they are surprised that I am heterosexual. They are themselves gay and they thought men’s leggings were only worn by other gay men. I break that stereotype.
However, there are plenty of dudes that aren’t surprised that I am straight. They are straight too and they wear leggings too. They want to know what my wife feels about me wearing leggings. How can they get their wife or girlfriend to understand? How do you dress around your children?
I have written a bit about this - What does your wife think about you wearing leggings?
Can dads wear leggings?
Quick answer - hell yeah! But seriously let’s discuss the stigma of men rocking leggings in their daily lives.
The raw truth is sometimes I wonder. Especially because so many people are so often baffled and completely surprised. Ironically I get very few comments when I wear leggings, but if I toss on a pair of tight skinny jeans then strangers are more open to telling me their opinions. Just today a homeless guy on the street said “damn boy, you need to get some different pants.”
Other folks have wondered if I am sending the right message to my children. Basically the common worry is - should men show off their glutes and quads and generally wear clothing that shows off their bodies?
What is the harm?
The whole reason I decided to start to be myself and give myself permission to dress the way I wanted to was because of my children. How could I tell them to be themselves and live their best lives if I wasn’t doing the exact same thing for myself. I needed to be honest with who I was.
The best way to be an open and honest parent is to in fact be open and honest. The best way to raise open-minded and well-adjusted children is to prepare them to accept and respect other humans’ choices while also fostering and nurturing their own self-exploration.
That doesn’t mean I sometime wonder if I am placing unneeded societal pressures on our family. I often find these thoughts come to my when my anxiety and stress is high due to a multitude of other factors. I think the worry is just my own inner monologue being a bully.
Aren’t leggings too sexy to worn around your kids?
This is maybe the biggest double standard I have experienced. On the very rare occasion folks have mentioned anything to me about the stigma of my clothing it is that they believe the clothes are too risque.
If a woman wants to flaunt her figure they are less concerned about the ramifications to the children she is with. People still make ridiculous judgements about the individual - she’s a slut - she’s vapid - she’s asking for it. But it doesn’t cascade down from her to her family.
Noticeably these worries have only come from the people who love me and my family dearly. I think the same worries that cross my mind also cross theirs. They want what is best for my family and me and they worry about what the world will think and do. Those worries are often much worse than the reality. I generally don’t let those worries wreak havoc on my confidence. Because of the nature of the worry I know that “what if” monsters are just monsters if you entertain them.
I am always reminded of a line from my dear friend in Colorado, now a Buddhist monk. “Let your thoughts pass through your mind but do not let them in for tea.”
Basically a solid reminder that anxiety and worry are much more impactful on your life if you let them run your mind and take over. Stopping them is not the exercise. You’ll always have the thoughts. Letting them pass through and letting go of them is the challenge. But it is one I am working on.
